Got a bad case of the "Germany Blues..."

Unfortunately, I have left the top...

Well, as “promised” by former expats, the roller coaster ride is now moving downward…. I feel I have reached my first “low”…currently I feel very isolated and removed from the world I once knew.  When we were preparing for our move, expats who had lived overseas communicated to me that I would experience highs and lows throughout this adventure.  They described our upcoming adventure as a roller coaster…when you arrive you are on the peek of the roller coaster between all of the newness and excitement…and to expect to move downward approximately 1-2 months post our move…well unfortunately they were accurate.  

I am doing OK…it is just that I miss so many of the simple, day-to-day American ways of life.  Recently, an expat friend of mine wrote an interesting comment on our lifestyle on her Blog.  She stated that, "when you are an expat, you carry an extra weight on your shoulders. The current of day-to-day stress is a little higher when you’re living abroad. We’re on this exciting adventure and our lifestyle is really good, but the language and culture barriers along with not knowing what’s around the next corner weighs you down."  I could not agree more with her...when I read this, I started to cry...

For example, going shopping and running errands use to be something that the girls and I enjoyed doing together; we would actually have fun looking at various items, being silly together, etc. Now, when we run errands, I feel like people are either looking at me with kind looks or that they feel the girls and I are nuisances- very extreme gestures and glances I continue to receive from people.  Even shopping on Saturday, I was looking SO FORWARD to shopping with Elle…BUT, the stores did not have dressing rooms (or they probably did but I could not find them), nobody asked to put my desired items up at the counter for me, and as always, I felt uneasy re: being surrounded by people speaking a language I do not understand.  A part of me enjoys this…enjoys observing other people, learning the German language, using the few statements/quotes I know, being out of my comfort zone, having to think outside of the box A LOT…but I think when I have the girls with me I am just more uptight because I need to keep them safe and I am not sure re: what the etiquette/expectations are for children is stores, restaurants, etc.  And, though I enjoy this, it begins to weigh a person down... it just gets to be too heavy and too much.  I just want to go back to the USA and take a deep breath…though this week, I would probably not want to come back to Germany…

Some simple things I miss:

*Of course, above all else---my parents, sister and friends. 

*My neighbors…who I could walk out the front door and communicate with and whose children Elle adored playing with.

*People speaking a language I can understand and communicate in…ENGLISH

*The United States customary system of mearsurement.  I was not a cook before, and now to cook ANYTHING, I have to convert everything to the Metric System.  And counting calories…forget it…I have no idea, so it is all about eyeballing my portions

*My Tahoe or maybe just driving in America in general…

*The food…knowing what the foods I purchase are going to taste like, foods with at least some preservatives so I do not have to shop every other day (I know this sounds crazy but the food spoils SO FAST and remember, running errands/going to the grocery store is NOT enjoyable on any level).

*Speaking of food- CHEESE!  They have ALL these different cheeses over here (something they are very proud of) but personally, I think they all taste like mold.

*Another food item- MILK!!  Tasty, creamy, full of flavor Midwest milk...not the "brick" milk.

*Buying products and knowing what the directions are because I can actually read them.  This week, I bought something that looked like self-tanning spray and then went home and just started spraying...thankfully, it turned out OK (I was too lazy to put the entire back of the bottle into Google translate)

*Knowing when a storm is approaching because I can understand the warnings on the radio and television (today there was a storm and the girls and I just watched it closely…I suppose if it would have gotten really bad, I would have moved away from any glass/windows)

*Being able to be assertive when I need to be…at the Mall on Saturday, 4 people budged in front of me…I do not know if it is because I am an American or if they just know I am not really going to say anything…who knows…

*Being able to read my mail...I received a letter from UPS and it was SO LONG, I asked one of our relocation agents to read it for me and to tell me what it said.  I HATE not being able to do something simple like this on my own...drives me CRAZY!

*Feeling safe…even though everyone tells us how safe it is here, I just hate the fact that I do not feel as confident re: calling the Police, etc. And again, not feeling safe because I never know what people are saying!

*Going to Hy-Vee or Fareway and actually being provided grocery sacs AND having grocery store employees help me to my vehicle.

*Water out of the tap…soft water too (the water is extremely hard over here and in just 1.5 months, it is taking a toll on my hair.  I have been told I need to rinse it in vinegar every other month)

*I miss carpet…ALL of our floors are either hardwood, marble or tile…I worry about the girls constantly slipping and they are not comfortable to relax on…

*Large appliances…I have to do laundry EVERY day because the washer and dryer are SO SMALL.

But, BUT...... there are so, so many positives…

*We are not living in a 3^rd world country…we are living in one of the most beautiful parts of the world that I have ever seen…the beauty surrounding us is breathtaking…

*We are literally living amongst so much history…it is amazing…

*We are embarking on this journey as a family…we are all healthy and together…creating lasting memories…

*Matt is enjoying his new position...and taking on many new challenges...and taking steps forward within his career...

*We are learning new perspectives on life…learning how to better appreciate various parts of the world and how others live…

*We are able to travel almost every weekend to someplace we would probably not be able to see if we were not living over here…already in 1.5 months, we have been to France and Switzerland...crazy!

*The medical system is very comparable…the educational system is very comparable… to those in the USA

*The Germans take caring for the environment and their bodies very seriously (well, besides it is VERY accepted to smoke cigarettes everywhere)

*Meeting so many new people…and hearing about their journeys.  So far, the majority of English-speaking people I have met are affiliated with the US Military

*Trying so many new foods…(though I may not always like them, I am learning how to better appreciate different tastes)

*Having a slower paced life…appreciating the simple things in our life, as a family, with wider eyes…

*Many people here do speak “a little” English

*We can visit McDonalds and Pizza Hut when we need some American food

*When traveling, most everything is available in English

Again, I am confident things will get better…I think the weather does not help and the fact that the girls and I often have to stay indoors all day.  For example, this week the high so far has been 65 degrees!!   I think the more people I meet and the friendships I build will allow my feelings of isolation to lessen.  Matt at least gets to interact with adults all day long who speak English…my daily interaction often solely consists of Elle and Britta.  Though I love them with all of my heart, I would like to have conversations with adults too.  I think too, I am still adjusting to forfeiting my career in order to be a full-time stay at home Mom…and now, being in this foreign country, does not help with this ever evolving new way of life for me.   Also, I have a lot of anxiety re: Elle starting her new preschool in a couple of weeks.  I just do not want her to be sad or scared being surrounded my teachers and peers who are only speaking German...though, everything I have read and everyone who I have talked to, said she will adjust very quickly.  As a mother, I just want my girls healthy, safe and happy.  

I think I just need to get through August…then, in September, Elle will start preschool 3 mornings per week, Elle will have dance on Thursday evenings, Britta and I will have our music class 1 morning per week, I will have MOPS every other Wednesday (Britta will attend the provided childcare room), I will attend PWOC (Protestant Women of the Church) every Thursday morning (again, Britta can socialize with other children in the provide childcare room) and we have some amazing trips to look forward to and prepare for (i.e. Paris in September and Rome in October).

Considering everything we have been through in 1.5 months, I think overall we are doing FANTASTIC!!  I was anticipating feeling this way, so I am prepared to take care of my body and mind and things will get better… again, personally by experiencing challenges and overcoming them with success offers me such a feeling of worth and accomplishment.  To take the "easy road" is often boring to me...so I am okay with feeling really low right now, because I know it it going to make me a more educated and stronger woman--it is just really hard right now.  I am positive that we will never regret the decision we made, as a family, to live in Germany for 2-years.  I guarantee we are going to only grow in positive ways as a family.  Things will get better (I must keep telling myself this--lol)…and then once again, I can feel as though I am on top of the roller coaster!  Thanks for “listening”…I feel better already using my Blog as some much needed therapy:)!!


Below, are some fun pictures of the girls today...who ALWAYS put a smile on my face...they are the joy of my life:)!

The 1-year old, pushing the 3-year old

The girls watching the storm...trying to touch some of the rain drops!